Faith Tong (Week 2)- self esteem go boom
Self Esteem Go Boom
by Faith Tong
Do you guys every have those types of friends that just take jokes a bit too far? Sometimes I start to question whether they are joking or it's more of a personal attack. Anyways, I have noticed the differences between the friends who make the jokes versus the friends who take in the joke. I will be sharing my very important (emphasis on important) observations that lead to my conclusion of correlation between self esteem and jokes.
In this observation, I was mainly the bystander, kind of like Nick Caraway (just had to use a Great Gatsby reference). I first began to observe the two friends' characteristics and habits. I noticed how (let's called them Friend 1) Friend 1 loves to crack jokes all the time and laugh everything off. They did not care what others had to say about them and displayed self confidence. On the other hand, (let's call them Friend 2) Friend 2 was the one who was the one receiving the jokes and did not radiate the same humor as Friend 1. They were, characteristic-wise, more sensitive to what others had to say about them.
I noticed how their interactions were a rerun every single time. Friend 1 would make a joke, haha so funny, and then Friend 2 would awkwardly laugh it off or say some defensive things in hopes Friend 1 would stop making jokes. Unsurprisingly, Friend 1's capacity to understand Friend 2 emotionally was limited.
So how does this relate to self-esteem? Friend 1’s words are actually very powerful and impacted Friend 2 in a negative way. Their jokes made Friend 2’s self-esteem go down unintentionally. Just like Friend 1, our words can hurt other people’s self-esteem. Maybe it was just a joke about their appearance or their insecurities but it can heavily affect someone more than you know. And that’s what I learned from my very important observations!
For me, I pay attention to people’s reactions and moods when I joke around. Around some friends that I know are comfortable and okay with jokes, I know that I won’t hurt them. But around the friends that are more sensitive and prone to take everything into offense, I am more cautious about the jokes I make and try to make them feel better. How do you guys cope with friends that are more or less sensitive?
Comments
Wow, this entire blog hit hard for me. I have struggled with self-confidence for a very long time. My parents have always told me to keep my ego in check, and they were always sure to point out whenever they thought I was being too arrogant or selfish. Like the meme that you used stated, I struggle with determining whether I have a realistic view of myself or if my low self-esteem is coming back to bite me. I definitely agree that some people can’t take certain jokes because of varying levels of confidence throughout people; I think that it is very wise of you to become more aware of this.
I thought your post was very insightful. It is definitely important to notice how your words are being perceived by others because while you might think it is a harmful joke, others might not. The unfortunate thing is that many people don’t notice when this is happening and unintentionally hurt their friends’ feelings. To answer your question, I feel like everyone has some topic they are a bit more sensitive to, so I try to avoid making jokes on things someone is particularly more sensitive about.
I agree that there is a fine line between humor and insults. I think the current media is part to blame, since insults are portrayed as funny. When 2 friends have different views on what is funny or not, they either need to communicate or find friends that they match with better. It is not good to stay in a relationship where one side is constantly hurt. I hope that they will communicate and be able to come to a conclusion that everyone likes.
Some people have yet to experience the consequences of their own words on other people; I think it’s then when someone confronts you about being too out-of-line that you realize your words have a greater impact on other people than you initially thought (at least, that’s what I’ve experienced). In order to be considerate, you kind of have to gauge a person’s comfort level around you. Establishing where to draw the line with both your words and actions is an important step in building relationships with other people. It sounds like quite a bit of work, but as long as you tread lightly, you figure it out as time passes by. I’ve learned to try to be understanding of where a person is coming from, whether they’re serious or not, and if they say something hurtful (that isn’t constructive or helpful to me/others), to tell them to chill.
-Angel Susantin
Many people that do crack these jokes are unaware of the influence they had on the other friend. It is also pretty interesting how you used scenarios like this to talk about your topic. I really sometimes have low self esteem and like you said sometimes the jokes are really bad sounds that sound offensive to the revievers awkwardly laughing it off. The people that make these jokes are going to continously make them unless sometimes says stop and confronts it also tying in with power and language.
I really like how you portrayed an example to show us what you meant and I do agree with your idea that self-esteem is correlated with what you hear. I sometimes worry that I do this, but I do make sure that my friends are fine with it because I don't want to hurt them of course. I do know others and how their words are not appreciated at times.
Sincerely,
Mrinmayee
For me its my family who take the joke a little too far. I keep beating myself up about it because I don’t like feeling down or sad. However playful teasing and joking is alright with me, but when you go too far or start joking about things I already don’t like about myself, really hurts. And these jokes, these playful meaningless jokes really impact me and it sucks.
I totally get what you mean when being an observer in a group of people makes you see how each person reacts to different subjects or topics. Humor wise, I do enjoy cracking a good joke here and there(though most of them are very childish and really target a specific group that I hang out with). And I do admit, sometimes it is hard for me to see whether I have joked a little too far, which is why I usually try to play out the scenario in my mind first before I really say it out loud.