Dwelling on memories
I love all my memories; they make me, me. I enjoy daydreaming about how I was so happy on my birthday when I won first place for the first time and met my best friend. Memories keep us going; it keeps me going because of the so-called motivational little speeches others have presented to me, and also making my pets proud of me is important. Although there are painful and horrible memories in my head that are constantly repeated.
These bad memories keep me from succeeding; they hold me back and hurt me as if I am repeatedly reliving that moment. I just want it to stop. I hate being hurt by my past again.
Very recently, Miles (my ex) ended the relationship we had together. I was so hurt and had a million reasons to leave, but I stuck around because I was dwelling on our good memories, like a fool. I would pretend everything was correct and ok because my mind lived in the past. I didn't see how sticking around was hurting me more. I just want to move forward; I don't want my past memories pulling me and holding me back in life.
Not only do dwelling on good memories hurt/cloud our judgment, but hurtful memories do just as much damage to us. I am not as strung up on the good memories; I'm strung upon if I will get hurt again, not just by him but by anyone. And this fear of us dwelling on memories brings us life-long issues like trust issues and fear of commitment. I'm scared that I will never just live in the present without facing the burden of me dwelling on my memories.
I'm curious what memories you dwell on that bring you down in life and how do you recover from them and live in the present?
Comments
I think I also appreciate all of my memories. The only times I wish I could erase my memory is after I watch a really scary movie at night and am scared that I'll have a scary dream. Memories are what make us up and change us as people. In those movies where people lose 5 years of memory, they would probably act really differently, because those experiences that taught them a bunch of things are now gone. When you said that you were dwelling on your good memories, it really reminded me of when I used to do ballet. I stuck around even though I really hated it because I had so many good memories and I felt that ballet was such a big part of my identity, I didn't know who I was without it. But after time, I am glad I left because I am better off without being somewhere I dislike. I hope you can see the light in your situation in the future.
Some memories I dwell on for a long time and then it goes away but weirdly appears in my dreams. It is usually a movie and somehow I think about it again with much clearer and random thoughts. These memories just occur like a couple years after I had a nightmare on that the night after. Other times it may be me as a child that I dream of and of course being a very naughty kid. Most memories are lessons that appear in my dreams or stuff considered as bad or hurtful to me. After having a dream like that I think of positive stuff and just continue living life.
I am really sorry about the relationship that you ended and I wish I could give you a hug and comfort you! I hope you feel better and recover from whatever that has made you sad, hurt, uncomfortable, and all the bad feelings! It’s definitely hard to recover from a breakup, since you have so many memories with that special person, whether it's good or bad. What’s even harder is that those memories never really leave, they have a permanent place in our brain. Dwelling on our memories is honestly something we do unconsciously, where our mind just wanders around trying to figure out and understand what happened and to process it. It’s definitely unhealthy though, because it’s like ruminating in our negative thoughts. For me, music always helps calm me down and stops my brain from having any further negative thinking!
Sincerely,
Faith Tong
I am sorry about your breakup and something that usually makes me feel better is the fact that God has a reason for everything so he knew something you don't know and wish you didn't know, so it's okay, it's fate guiding you to a happier place. Getting back on topic, memories can be awesome and wretched at the same time, depending on your emotions. For example, a break-up with a toxic ex would be relieving, but the same with a caring ex would probably be the worst. So again this shifts back to bias in stories and how you should always get to know more than 1 side of the story.
Sincerely,
Mrinmayee
Memories can be painful, and in your situation, especially so. I personally refuse to allow my past to weigh me down because I know that girl I was, was a completely different person I am right now. Upon remembering negative memories on my off-days (when I'm more sensitive), I like to tell myself that that little hiccup in my life is never an immovable object. There are certainly ways around it; to learn, to forget, to move on. There was one situation where I allowed myself to be swayed by someone I thought was cool. Obviously, I ended up regretting it a lot. Today, I've learned from that experience that I deserve so much better and should surround myself with people that I know can actually help me.
-Angel Susantin
I agree that your memories make you who you are. Recently, I watched a video where someone was talking about their dad getting amnesia, and thus watching him loose who he was as a person. Using this principle, I would say memories make a person who they are. This sort of relates to the nature/nature debate. I agree that we need to be aware of those around us, and if they are not nurturing our lives, we need to cut them out.