Naomi Lin- Week 4 - Forgive and Forget
Do you usually forgive and forget?
People say that the only way to heal from an argument is by forgiving and forgetting, so you can rid yourself of the bad feelings and heal the relationship. Susan Winter says, “To forgive and forget means you've finally made peace with the offense that's occurred and have allowed yourself to move forward.” Without forgiveness, people are stuck in the past, unable to move forward with their life. Forgiving is hard, but sometimes forgiveness is for ourselves, rather than the wrongdoer. MindbodyGreen says “You make the choice to either dwell on the pain caused by others, or you can forgive and move on.” This is a valid argument because people may do bad things but not feel guilty, and by dwelling on it by yourself, you are only hurting yourself. Although forgiving is good, forgetting is not. People learn from their mistakes and in some cases, others mistakes. You have to acknowledge the problem to actually forgive, so forgetting is in direct contrast to forgiving.
Some people say that if you forgive other people’s wrongdoings, it may make it seem like they can continue to do those things again because you will always forgive. But just because you forgive someone, it does not mean that you have to maintain a relationship with them. If someone did something super bad, you can forgive them, but cut them off. This way, you won’t be held back by the past, but you don’t have to hurt again.
I feel like I forget but don’t forgive, which probably isn’t the best choice. I forget the thing that happened unless I get reminded of it, and when I do, I get mad again, but only if the problem was really big.
What do you usually do?
Comments
Forgiving and forgetting are two important choices in human life and those that dwell on it is usually a huge part or factor of their depression. I think with all considerations the best choice is to move on and not think too much of the past. My mom and brother always says that it's better to not remember the past's wrongdoings as time does not wait for the person.
I am known in my family for holding grudges. I know that this is a bad habit, but I find it hard to find a good reason to do so. You bring up a really good argument for why forgiving and forgetting may be better. Sometimes moving past your resentment really is the best way to heal from an argument. I am highly aware that this is probably much easier to say rather than actually put it into play. I hope that one day I will be able to find a perspective that allows me to forgive and forget easier.
I tend to forgive but never forget. I think this is because I like to treat negative experiences as a prime example of what not to do or good lessons to learn for the future. Forgiving is probably the most vital part of this process because that means you can come to terms that it happened, and never forgetting makes sure that you acknowledge that mistakes were made. My thought process is like, “Wow, that was really stupid. I better make sure that never happens again.” Forgiving but not forgetting has its merits! Though, it may seem sometimes that I move on too fast or I like to joke about situations that other people aren’t over yet. In those cases, it can come off as sort of insensitive.
-Angel Susantin
Your blog is almost like a dilemma that I actually have to think of LOL. I usually forgive, but don't forget. Not trying to brag or anything, but I do think I like that about myself because I give people chances. But where this comes from is the "toxic" trait that I have. I am usually unexpressive and I forgive people because I do not want to run into the issue if I argue.
Sincerely,
Mrinmayee
Before I used to think forgetting and forgiving were the same thing because they’re quite similar and I used these terms interchangeably. For example, whenever my parents apologized to me after a huge fight, I would say I forgive them but really all I did was try to forget what we fought about. I realized forgiving is honestly such a hard lesson to learn, where I need to put down my own emotions and be willing to forgive my parents even though I’m petty. Now, I try to forgive people by talking it out with them and be willing to work with them towards a better friendship. And if that doesn’t work out, well I guess they’re not forgiven!
Sincerely,
Faith Tong
As somebody who tries to not dwell on the past, I agree with the idea of forgiving and forgetting. I feel like holding grudges against something or someone can grow tiresome over time. Sometimes, things cannot really be confronted properly (and because to be honest, I am terrible at confrontation and do not wish to push myself at times) and in turn, I just choose to forgive and forget. If I get rejected for something, I usually try to ignore the fact that I have been rejected, and just look forward to something else in the future.